New Arrivals
Kate Spade, a fashion favorite of mine allowed the battle with depression and alcohol addiction to win over her mind in two thousand eighteen. Then, only three days later, to turn on the news and hear about Anthony Bourdain taking his own life. This happened when he was working on his CNN series of culinary traditions, while staying in Paris. This really shook me. Both Kate & Anthony were found suicide by hanging. I realize that there are two sides to every story, especially with widespread speculation from outside sources. Whatever the case:
This all did something to me. It stirred something within, and made me re-evaluate the battle going on in my own mind.
I should write more because when I can’t breathe, I do just that. I write. You see depression makes you very apathetic and numb, turned off for self-preservation while dealing with anxiety makes you go on high alert like at any given moment something could go wrong but you just can’t figure out what and when exactly. The fear that strikes with anxiety accompanies you, stays awhile. It’s as if the two go hand in hand. Without one the other fails to complete the mission.
You constantly wonder, “Will I ever wake up one day, and feel happy to be alive? Will I experience joy? Am I ever going to have a desire to live my life with passion & purpose?”
All this, in hopes that you’re here for more than just being enslaved to whatever it is that may hold you captive.
Well, I am here to tell you— YES, you will get to the point where the chains become looser, and you will know how to fight this battle in your mind. You’ll one day at a time become much more equipped, and the self-belief in yourself will become stronger than your fear. Stay close to God.
Atlanta based author, Hannah Brencher of Come Matter Here said it best, and I couldn’t agree more.
“A lot of us are standing in the dark and don’t know how to talk about it, so it’s pertinent to start finding a way to talk about it. People can’t find you if they don’t know where to look. This culture makes it really easy to act like we are doing okay, to act like our lives are perfect and polished and one small step away from completion. In reality, we are lonely and we are grabbing for things. We are jealous, and we are comparing ourselves to others more now than ever before. We are restless, and we are discontented.”
I want to be a voice for those who are still left silently sitting in the dark. My goal one day is to reach millions of people all across the country through my writing. I hope to help end this stigma that comes with anxiety & depression. I'm putting something that’s been so negative and shamed throughout my life, turning it into something bigger than myself.
We all have a story, and you need to know that your story doesn’t have to end here.
You matter. Don't give up.
Poet by night
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I have this fear that you were it for me
That the right one does exist, that everything you are is why the poet in me still persists. If you insist, I hope this isn't something that was completely missed. Otherwise, I'll be pissed. Here is my list, I hope someday I will get another kiss. I still hear your voice, even after that one bad choice. It's hard to make way through the pain of what's currently missed. I have to go, but for now I'll keep you in mind, what had originally been all mine. I must let you go because they say, "If you love someone, set them free; if they come back to you, it was meant to be."
Come back and tell me why
I feel like I missed you all this time. All I know is pouring rain and how everything has changed. All I know is a newfound grace, all my days I see your face. He's doing a new thing and restoring what we have lost. This sense of time was all just a sign. The ways that you made me feel alive. All the things that never die. The Lord has kept this thing burning. In Him we continue to keep learning. Love is patient, love is kind. The kind that will stand the test of His time. To make it through the night, love will find you again. What if our love never went away. What if it's loss behind words we can never repay. This broken heart can still survive. As shadows fade into the light, I am by your side. Now that we're here, now that we've come this far, just hold on. For I am right beside you. For all my life I am yours.